A New President, Seek You?

Ladies and gentlemen, a few words from your future President, independent candidate Master Yoda.

Hmm. Tomorrow you will vote. Republican, Democrat. Bah! These are not the candidates you are looking for. Vote for them you must not! Lead to the dark side they do. Vote for me you must. Help our country I can.

Too old I look, you think? Look so good you will not when 800 years in politics you have been! Heh, heh.

How then will I govern you, hmm? Heh! A President seeks not to govern. A President seeks to serve. Democracy is a power that links all living things. You. Me. Men. Women. Rich. Poor. It flows between us and binds us together. Guides us it does. Helps us it does. But serve it truly we must. You must learn the ways of Democracy if you are to come with me into the new millennium.

What will the future bring? Hmm. Hard to see is the future. Clouded it is. Changeable. Work hard we must to defeat the forces of the dark side. Justice we must bring, and peace.

Issues you have? Address them I will.

Spend more on military you say? Make America great again you wish? Bah. Wars do not make one great.

Educate our children we must. Headstrong is our youth. Much anger in them. Anger, fear, aggression! The dark side of society are they. Teach our youth we must. Much to unlearn have they. Patience must we have.

Welfare programs we must have. Soup for poor we will give. Mmm. Good soup. Eat first! Then learn!

Taxes you do not wish? Then help you I cannot. Pay taxes or have no social infrastructure. There is no other course. Always you want more, now! Dreamers you are! Much still to learn you have.

Dangerous are our opponents. Powerful. Ruthless. Versed in trickery they are. Attention you must not pay to advertisements and show-business endorsements. Quick and seductive they are but to the dark side do they lead. Trust in your feelings you must. Examine the issues you must. When your mind is clear, only then can you cast your vote. Only when your mind is clear. Then strong with the ways of Democracy will you be.

* * *

This has been an entry in the Authors Attic "Campaign Speech" Challenge.
Master Yoda is owned by Lucasfilm Ltd. and is used for satirical purposes only. This essay does not necessarily reflect the views of Master Yoda or of Lucasfilms Ltd. Despite superficial appearances to the contrary, everything in the essay is serious.

<-Index